Iron(y) Man

For some unfathomable reasons, Google rejected my application for an ad-sense account for this blog. I want my blog to display relevant advertisements and thus help me earn some extra allowance. However, the people at Google think otherwise. What is the problem if an average ordinary guy wants to earn money by penning down his thoughts? …that too without using any profanities or talking about pre-marital affairs. I’m sure Chetan Bhagat never had any problems for finding sponsors for his website. There’s irony hidden in it somewhere but you’d rather find it for yourself.

Shifting our focus to international matters, Hillary Rodham Clinton praised India for acting maturely after the Mumbai Terror attacks. It was commendable that we did not take up arms and launch a full-fledged attack on Pakistan just because a few terrorists attacked our commercial centre. We should have praised US of A for also acting maturely and not launching military attacks on Afghanistan and Iraq just because a few terrorists crashed their planes on two tall buildings. Something tickled my irony bone (next to my funny bone) here, too!

In other news, Mrs. Rita Bahuguna Joshi came back home…or whatever was left of it. Mayawati’s supporters (apparently) had burned her house down in an attempt to renovate it with gasoline. Mayawati claims Mrs. Joshi bad-mouthed the Dalits so she deserves to be punished under a SC/ST Law that bans any discrimination against the so-called backward classes. Mrs. Joshi has been booked under several non-bailable offenses besides the “inciting violence” infraction. She awaits trial, while those who literally brought down her house go scot-free. Mayawati said that she will make sure Mrs. Joshi is punished severely. No action has been (or, can be) taken against Maya Memsaab. Some idiots with a misplaced sense of patriotism will consider it greatly ironic. They will burn with anger at the mockery that is being made of the Indian judicial system. They will fire self-righteous remarks about ideologies and other such expletives. But…they will do NOTHING.

Why do you think Mayawati is the CM of UP? Why did the Liberhan Commission require Rs 8 Crores to tell us what the media was screaming for 16 years? Why do you think politicians are corrupt? What makes them think they can get away with murder? (I’m serious, quite a lot of them have). The answer to all of the above questions is THE COMMON MAN’S STUPIDITY.

Nobody dares to rise up against evil. Yeah, Gandhiji proposed non-violence but he never said that one should always grin and bear oppression. In fact, He did say, “It is a greater sin to be oppressed than to oppress.” I’ll translate it for you. He said that one should stand up for what is right. The scum of the Earth mock us because we let them. After all, since the advent of RTI (Right To Information), a lot of corrupt officials had to face the music (Jailhouse Rock, I believe).

The most obvious question in your mind, “What gives this jerk the right to tell us to do something? Why doesn’t he get up and do something himself.” Well, if you ever go to Mullana ask the final year students (that means my immediate junior batch) about Anurag Saxena. They may not have all good things to say but they will agree on one thing…the guy tried to bring about a change. And that’s far better than complaining.

If you ever come up with a plan that will reform our country, count me in. I may not lead from the front but I guarantee you will have a loyal ally. Just come out of this ennui and think of something that will change this world…for the better. If you have problems thinking big, think simple…how to improve your locality (that does not mean shifting to a posh area). If you are ready to rebel, you’ll always find me by your side. I hope you don’t see irony here because none is intended.

Be the change you want to see in the world. – Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi

Welcome to my life

Are you a software engineer?

Are you tired of sitting and working in a cubicle?


Do you find that the management guys have nothing better to do except use complex jargon and create silly acronyms?

Are you stuck in an organization whose every decision seems stupid and sometimes downright absurd?

Do you cringe at thought of understanding the dialect of managers?


And well, your boss is a loon?

Well, you are not alone.

Dilbert is exactly like you. You can find him on the web at this location: www.dilbert.com

A masterpiece of cartoonist Scott Adams, Dilbert provides you with insight that is necessary for a nerd/geek to survive and grow in the highly competitive world of software.

Why am I praising it? Because I love the cartoon strip and want to share it with you.

Of course, if you are bored with software projects and now want to move on to management, help is on the way. Read “The Dilbert Principle” by by management guru Scott Adams. Its the only management book you’ll ever need. There’s even an Indian flavour in one of Dilbert’s co-workers called Asok.

So, enjoy the humour in our miserable cubiclized lives!

Management Fundae for Dummies (by Dummies)

These days it seems any dolt with a computer and internet connectivity can churn out a business book & make a few bucks. As a matter of fact, that’s what most of the so-called management gurus believe. Everyday, there’s a new book in print by one of these glib fibbers.

Personally, I despise management books. After reading about half-dozen (actually, two) of these time-wasters I believe that now I have sufficient authority on the subject to air my views. I began nurturing a dislike for the books when I realized that they actually are worth nothing. Not one book contained anything other than common sense. “If you sell more, you will earn more! If you cut costs enough, you can increase revenues without actually selling more!“. DUH!

Management is not something a person can be taught. Its a practical subject and can be demonstrated by anyone. Become one of the organizers of your College Fest and you’ll know what teamwork actually is. Leadership will be shown by students who were organizers last year too. So why do students of IIMs get so absurd salaries? Elementary, my dear reader. The entrance test for management institutes is one of the toughest in the world. The students who are able to bell the CAT are in fact, cream of the academia. The fact that they made it to prestigious institutes speaks volumes about their capability. After addition of a few finishing touches by the institution, they are ready to refuse a package of Rs 12 crore per annum and start their own business.

Frankly, my disposition towards the fad has earned me many enemies. Once I hid my good friend’s management bible. He went to Indrajit Hazra who went on to write about “Who moved my Who Moved My Cheese?”. I thought about returning the book, but it turns out that it became my Pillar of Strength. Actually, its supporting my limp computer table right now.

Anyhow, there’s a plus side to the management invasion. As a matter of fact, I have developed a sureshot plan to make a lot of money from this instant money-making scheme. I plan to get in conflict with the most famous ones of the lot to gain instant publicity.

My masterplan includes releasing my own New York Times #1 bestseller, titled “The Engineer who bought a second-hand Ferrari from a Monk“, blasting all management principles promoted by the self-styled managers. It will be succeded by a superhit sequel “Why did I buy another one of these Books? And other silly questions”. As a matter of fact, I plan to write business books until the readers run out of money (or New York Times proclaims me as the next Robin Sharma).

BRAINWAVE:

Why does New York Times have so many #1 bestsellers? From Robert Ludlum to Spencer Johnson, everyone’s been a #1 bestselling author. An underground mafia running the management book printing business? We may never know.

Mullana

If the colleges were better, if they really had it, you would need to get the police at the gates to keep order in the inrushing multitude. See in college how we thwart the natural love of learning by leaving the natural method of teaching what each wishes to learn, and insisting that you shall learn what you have no taste or capacity for. The college, which should be a place of delightful labour, is made odious and unhealthy, and the young men are tempted to frivolous amusements to rally their jaded spirits. I would have the studies elective. Scholarship is to be created not by compulsion, but by awakening a pure interest in knowledge. The wise instructor accomplishes this by opening to his pupils precisely the attractions the study has for himself. The marking is a system for schools, not for the college; for boys, not for men; and it is an ungracious work to put on a professor. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

You know you are in MMEC when:

• Girls are reprimanded for wearing jeans and tops.
• Hostlers can not enter their rooms during college timings.
• The only way to bunk classes is by going to the library.
• Heavy metal/ Death metal/Hard rock/English has has got only one name – Linkin Park
• The snide comment “99% of the girls are beautiful, rest are in my college” actually depicts the truth.