Iron(y) Man

For some unfathomable reasons, Google rejected my application for an ad-sense account for this blog. I want my blog to display relevant advertisements and thus help me earn some extra allowance. However, the people at Google think otherwise. What is the problem if an average ordinary guy wants to earn money by penning down his thoughts? …that too without using any profanities or talking about pre-marital affairs. I’m sure Chetan Bhagat never had any problems for finding sponsors for his website. There’s irony hidden in it somewhere but you’d rather find it for yourself.

Shifting our focus to international matters, Hillary Rodham Clinton praised India for acting maturely after the Mumbai Terror attacks. It was commendable that we did not take up arms and launch a full-fledged attack on Pakistan just because a few terrorists attacked our commercial centre. We should have praised US of A for also acting maturely and not launching military attacks on Afghanistan and Iraq just because a few terrorists crashed their planes on two tall buildings. Something tickled my irony bone (next to my funny bone) here, too!

In other news, Mrs. Rita Bahuguna Joshi came back home…or whatever was left of it. Mayawati’s supporters (apparently) had burned her house down in an attempt to renovate it with gasoline. Mayawati claims Mrs. Joshi bad-mouthed the Dalits so she deserves to be punished under a SC/ST Law that bans any discrimination against the so-called backward classes. Mrs. Joshi has been booked under several non-bailable offenses besides the “inciting violence” infraction. She awaits trial, while those who literally brought down her house go scot-free. Mayawati said that she will make sure Mrs. Joshi is punished severely. No action has been (or, can be) taken against Maya Memsaab. Some idiots with a misplaced sense of patriotism will consider it greatly ironic. They will burn with anger at the mockery that is being made of the Indian judicial system. They will fire self-righteous remarks about ideologies and other such expletives. But…they will do NOTHING.

Why do you think Mayawati is the CM of UP? Why did the Liberhan Commission require Rs 8 Crores to tell us what the media was screaming for 16 years? Why do you think politicians are corrupt? What makes them think they can get away with murder? (I’m serious, quite a lot of them have). The answer to all of the above questions is THE COMMON MAN’S STUPIDITY.

Nobody dares to rise up against evil. Yeah, Gandhiji proposed non-violence but he never said that one should always grin and bear oppression. In fact, He did say, “It is a greater sin to be oppressed than to oppress.” I’ll translate it for you. He said that one should stand up for what is right. The scum of the Earth mock us because we let them. After all, since the advent of RTI (Right To Information), a lot of corrupt officials had to face the music (Jailhouse Rock, I believe).

The most obvious question in your mind, “What gives this jerk the right to tell us to do something? Why doesn’t he get up and do something himself.” Well, if you ever go to Mullana ask the final year students (that means my immediate junior batch) about Anurag Saxena. They may not have all good things to say but they will agree on one thing…the guy tried to bring about a change. And that’s far better than complaining.

If you ever come up with a plan that will reform our country, count me in. I may not lead from the front but I guarantee you will have a loyal ally. Just come out of this ennui and think of something that will change this world…for the better. If you have problems thinking big, think simple…how to improve your locality (that does not mean shifting to a posh area). If you are ready to rebel, you’ll always find me by your side. I hope you don’t see irony here because none is intended.

Be the change you want to see in the world. – Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi

Leader of Men

After the elections results are finally out, I’ll resist the temptation to say “I told you so”. Not because of any scruples, but because I didn’t. Nobody did!

No one had any idea who would form the government this time around. There were genuine concerns over Mayawati finally fulfilling her dream and plunging this country into a horrendous nightmare.

What with only 44% voter turnout in Mumbai, the nightmare seemed liked becoming a reality. LK Advani, Mayawati, The Left Front…there was no one who was actually close to the public. The Congress itself was a mess trying to put together a non-existent alliance. Those concerned about the future of the country must have spent sleepless nights. I assure you, I wasn’t one of them.

This time the elections were not about selecting the right candidates, it was about selecting those who would do the least damage. Irrespective of its notorious past (Bofors, Emergency etc.), the Congress this time was closer to the public’s heart. Yeah, prices had risen, but they would have anyway. Yeah, there was recession, but it was handled superbly by the government. Although its allies kept threatening to destabilize it, the government stood firm on its ground. I’m talking about the Nuclear Deal. No, I don’t know what it contained but if Manmohan Singh was ready to sacrifice his government for it, I would back it no matter what.

That’s the whole point! Manmohan Singh may be one of the silent types but still he is a great leader. Leading by example. He does not ask anyone to obey his orders. He politely requests them on National TV to lend him their support. Better than Narendra Modi (or even LK Advani) who gain popularity by catering to the peoples’ baser instincts…like xenophobia, religious discrimination etc.

These elections are not a victory for the Congress, they are a victory for democracy. Voter turnout was less. Those who did not vote should keep their mouths shut when the government makes any silly decision. After all, you had a choice, you made the wrong one. GTH!

Cheers to the Great Indian Democracy!

There’s no government like no government! – Anonymous

India in Slow Motion

Sometimes fiction is nothing as compared to real life. Sometimes, a writer’s words do not capture the true essence of his thoughts. Its during times like these that I switch to reading non-fiction. Mark Tully‘s book; India in slow motion; turned out to be the newest entrant to my book-shelf.

The book is dedicated to all those who are striving for the good of India. It sure mentions a few of them. Mark Tully himself has a great deal of love for this country. Sure, he may look and speak like any another foreigner, his sympathy for this country matches that of any contemporary patriot. Born in Calcutta (now Kolkata) and educated in England, Mark Tully was a correspondent for the BBC in South Asia for 25 years. In 2002, he was working as a journalist in New Delhi.

Tully mentions Gillian Wright; his partner in many of his escapades; as co-author. However, the book is written from his own perspective. A book about India! I felt a deep sense of pride as I first read the cover. However, the contents of the book did shake that pride a little.

In the book, India is presented through the eyes of an outsider. A stranger in a strange land. He dwells on the glory of India’s heritage and swiftly moves on to the deplorable condition the country is in today. No, he does not focus on the poverty and the down-trodden like another famous foreigner (Danny Boyle, anyone!). He focuses on other serious issues, highlighting how this country hasn’t been able to out of its colonial mindset. How red tape and bureaucracy (babudom) are still holding back the potential of the largest democracy in the world.

The purpose of “India in Slow Motion” was not to highlight the problems faced by this country. India is often depicted as a victim of forces too wild to be controlled – of post-colonial malaise, of religious strife, of the caste system, of a corrupt bureaucratic machine. The book argues that change is possible and solutions do exist. It looks at the people who are trying to bring about this change.

The book is in the form of short stories written in the first person. Mark Tully has personally interviewed quite a few soldiers of truth. There is Mathew Samuel – the journalist from Tehelka.com who exposed the corruption in arms procurement in the Defense services. Also, there is Aruna Roy – one of the major proponents of the Right to Information Act. She was the one who got Right to Information implemented in Rajasthan even when the RTI was just a bill in the Parliament.

“India in Slow Motion” securely grasps the essence of the enigma that is India. A Third World country that has all the ingredients to become a Superpower but is hindered by the enemy within. Even if you are not an Indian, this book provides very deep insight and may even force you to re-think any preconceived notions you may have about this country.

In everything he writes, Tully’s sympathy for and knowledge of India shines through…He is, indeed, incomparable among foreign observers of that bewildering, maddening, utterly enchanting medley of peoples.
- Geoffrey Moorhouse, The Guardian

PS. Mark Tully did not pay me to write this review. But I do feel that any person who thinks of himself as an Indian should read the book.

Gandhi – the Vision and the Glasses

Congratulations to all my brethren for getting back what was rightfully ours. A certain pair of glasses that were under the hammer at a very big auction. India’s prestige has been restored in the International community. Vijay Mallya turned out to be the greatest patriot of ‘em all by shelling out a cool $ 1.8 million for the Gandhi Goodies©.

Somehow, I’ve begun to doubt my own sense of patriotism. My chest just refused to swell with pride when the news was announced. I apologize to Indrajit Hazra for quoting him here with the quote unquoted as he quoted exactly what I had been thinking.

My only question is: If we Indians wanted the Gandhi Goodies © (glasses, slippers, bowl and blood report)so badly, why did we ask the government to get them for us? After all, unlike the Kohinoor diamond and most of the Indian artifacts scattered across various museums around the world, these Gandhi Goodies© weren’t stolen property that left an unholy imperialist-hegemonic ooze-trail across continents and time. This was fair and square deal in which the owner of the Gandhi Goodies© had decided to sell them to the highest bidder…No burglaries, no customs rackets, no Tomb Raider sequences, no RSS hanky-panky that we are so familiar with…All legit. So, why couldn’t one of us, so keen to suck every Gandhi item scattered across the globe, raise his hand and make a bid at the Antiquorum auction last Tuesday night at New York?

No, you don’t have to answer the above question. Not that I expect you to, anyway. What’s the big deal with the glasses? I thought Gandhi was about ideology and not idol worship.Frankly, I have come to accept the Great Indian Hypocrisy as a way of life. To think of it, alcohol was the vilest thing according to Gandhi (That’s why October 2 is a Dry Day!). Almost six decades after his death, India; his own country; cheered while his belongings were purchased at an auction by India’s biggest liquor baron. Another one bites the dust in front of the Great Indian Hypocrisy! May his soul rest in peace.

This one flew right over the KINGFISHER’s nest!

The Evil that Men Do

The terror attacks in Mumbai. I don’t have to go into details. Yes, I condemn the crime. Why bother about capturing all terrorists. Catch just one and kill ‘em all. Simple.

I grew up in Chandigarh. The 1980′s were troubled times in Punjab. I remember mom and dad talk about curfews without realizing what the commotion was all about. In or around 1992, a certain Beant Singh was assassinated. The fact that he was Chief Minister of Punjab is the reason I used the word “assassinated” instead of “murdered”. I grew up not understanding why someone had to die for someone else to live in peace.

Osama Bin Laden did some marvellous prime-time action by taking the war back to the US of A. Why? I know the facts. But I don’t understand the reason. Nor do I understand the reason why US thought it had any right to meddle in Afghanistan anyway. Why the hell did Dawood Ibrahim orchestrate the Mumbai blasts in ’94? It couldn’t have been religion. The bombs never discriminated against Hindus or Muslims. They just did their job; took away innocent lives. The tales of terror are endless. I don’t feel the need to elaborate any.

Why does a man turn on his brothers? This so-called ‘Jihad’ everyone keeps talking about, do even know the meaning of the word? What can you achieve by killing people who haven’t done anything to you? What is the purpose of this mindless bloodshed? Does killing actually resolve any issue? Can you quote a single example where shedding the blood of innocents is demanded by GOD?
You can leave your answers as comments, maybe if I forget to delete them, I might even read them.

On 26 November, India (not including Kashmir. No need to count it in India, let Pakistan have it. I don’t bloody care!) faced the biggest terror attack in its history. At night, a few armed men arrived in Mumbai. They killed many civilians and officers before they were finally subdued. The death toll stands at 195 (currently. That’s 1 more than Saeed Anwar’s world record). Intelligence officials claim that the terrorists came from Karachi. I don’t bloody care. They may be residents of Papua New Guinea for all I care. What I want to know is the reason why? What did these madmen set out to prove? How can people be so dumb. They are fooled so easily by the pretense of Jihad. Heck, If you want to organize a Jihad why don’t to start a few missionary hospitals and orphanages.

A lot of lives were lost. There is a lot of difference between laying down your life for a cause and dying for nothing. The NSG commandos and armed forces along with the police officials made our country proud. True sons of the soil. But what about the 40 or so terrorists who wreaked havoc on the City of Dreams. What was their cause? They were scumbags before they attacked and they are still full of crap. I have spoken a lot more curses than I’m writing down. Why can’t people just understand? L-e-T denied any responsibility for the attacks. And they can wash their hands off the matter. A terrorist is a terrorist. If you have a problem with the system, why don’t you stand up? Heck, kill any corrupt politician but spare the innocents.
Its easy to break bricks with bare hands because bricks don’t fight back. If these terrorists have any self-respect, accept my challenge.

Stop hiding in foreign countries. Come here, and fight like real men. Cowards! You require truckloads of ammunition to disturb one city. Why don’t you try to fight mano-a-mano; man to man unarmed. These guerilla tactics only prove your impotence. May God (or Allah or whoever you worship) cast you into the burning fires of Hell (or Jahannum or Hades or simply stick you up in purgatory)!

And Raj SOB Thakeray, just keep your mouth shut for at least one week. The common man’s really pissed off. Just hope that you don’t get burned down by the fury surging through our souls!!!

Ram-Setu

One of the most hotly debated topics of our time is related to religion. This post was triggered by the recent developments of the Ram Setu bridge. For the uninitiated, here’s a brief recap, starting thousands of years ago in the era known as Traita yug.

Traita yug (A very long time ago):
Ram, the eldest son of King Dashrath of Ayodhya, was forced into fourteen years exile by Queen Kaikeyi to clear the throne for her son, Bharat. Ram obeys his father and leaves Ayodhya accompanied by his wife, Sita and brother Lakshman. Ravan, Emperor of Lanka sets his sights on Sita and kidnaps her to make her his own mistress. Shri Ram then gathers an army of apes and monkeys (featuring Hanuman, Jambavan, Sugreev etc). To reach Lanka, they need to cross a vast body of water. A bridge is constructed using rocks inscribed with Ram’s name. Ravan’s army is no match for the good guys. Sita is rescued and Shri Ram returns to Ayodhya for his coronation. Happy Ending!

2007 AD:
Modern day India governed by a coalition government called UPA. Spearheaded by the humble Dr. Manmohan Singh, reforms are introduced which although increase the GDP to a staggering 11%, leave the common man crying for mercy. Inflation is at an all-time high and the government; being a coalition; is constantly under the threat of collapse. One fine day, a suggestion is made. The expenditure by ships travelling between the eastern and western coasts can be significantly reduced if the Palk Strait between India and Sri Lanka is opened up. And thus, the proverbial can of worms was opened.

The hindu fanatics could not believe their ears. What the heck was the government talking about? The Rameshwaram bridge was a remnant of a glorious past. A reminder of the victory of good over evil. A place of worship. And the government was proposing to tear it down. Sacrilege!!
A nation-wide campaign was launched to discredit the government. Amidst the hue and cry, the government came up with proofs. The satellite images and findings by the Archaeological Survey of India confirmed that the “bridge” was in fact a coral formation. It had existed for a long time before Ram; the re-incarnation of Lord Vishnu; descended on this planet. Besides, another thing that the government had to whisper: The Ramayana is mythology, not history. There is no proof that the Ramayana isn’t something similar to what Dan Brown writes. Why whisper? Because there is nothing that ties a person to his fellows like religion. Religion is what faith is all about. It binds the people together like a thread and has the power to make them destroy anything that does not conform. This includes crusades (mindless violence/bloodshed) in the name of God.
As expected, the decision had to be stalled. A petition was filed in the Supreme Court aginst the government for blasphemy and sacrilege. And the issue was put on the back-burner.

23 July 2008: (Today)
The government wins a confidence motion and can rest till the next General Elections; which are not too far anyway. Today in the court, the defense put forward the argument that according to Camb Ramayana (popular in south India), the Ram Setu bridge was destroyed by Shri Ram after the battle was won.
The prosecution and all the news channels proclaim: “The Camb Ramayan states that the Ram Setu was broken. It does not mention that Shri Ram did it!”

I say: “You dumbasses who call yourself true believers, listen to this. If everything that happens is an act of God or happens by His/Her will, that means the Ram Setu being destroyed was also the will of God. So, no matter who actually destroyed it, It was Ram who broke that bridge.
I’m angry with these pseudo-fanatics. Get a life, morons. You always make mountains out of molehills. Rameshwaram has great temples too. If you really want to worship, worship nature. Protect the environment. Use eco-friendly cars for your Rath-Yatras and clean up the Holy Ganga while you are at it. And instead of constructing a temple at Ram Janm Bhoomi, Why don’t you build a charitable hospital there?“

PS. I’m a Hindu!

President of the Republic

Pratibha Patil sworn in as first woman President of India. Ye, a reason to celebrate. Finally, a Lady President. Now, we can hold our heads high and say that there is no discrimination in our country on the basis of sex or religion. Our status in the eyes of other nations will increase manifold.

Yeah…right.
I had been following the papers closely about news about the Presidency once I came to know that Respected Sir APJ Abdul Kalam’s tenure was drawing to an end. He was a people’s President and I hoped that he would be back for another term. But that was not to be. His aloofness from politics; which had brought him closer to the public; also distanced him from the political parties.
The parties were looking for a candidate who, in his right mind, would never think of returning the “Office of Profit Bill” for reconsideration. They wanted a puppet. A figurehead who would meekly submit and obey their commands like a slave(Something like what Giani Zail Singh was to Mrs. Indira Gandhi).

Now, the current government is a coalition of parties with ideologies that are poles apart. Congress, Commies…unlikely allies.
The candidates backed by the Congress did not find favour with the Left. The Left wanted their own candidate in the country’s highest office. The situation of Stalemate was threatening to break apart the government.
Then, in a fit of desperation, somebody mentioned Mrs. Pratibha Patil. The Left could not object to a woman candidate. They felt rejecting her would make them look like male masochist pigs. Having a woman President would also elevate their position in the eyes of the general public. So, the UPA nominated the Governor of Rajasthan as their choice for President. Many other parties backed the decision. And then….

Slowly, skeletons began to emerge out of Mrs. Patil’s closet.

She was Governor of Rajasthan when Gujjars went on a rampage to be recognised as a minority. The Meenas; another caste in Rajasthan; took up arms against the rioting Gujjars. Vasundhara Raje, the Chief Minister of the state, did nothing. The Governor; Mrs. Patil; did nothing. The country stood on the verge of a Civil War, just because of their sheer inactivity. Thankfully, the situation was controlled before it threatened to rip apart the country.

Then, evidence was found that Mrs. Patil had used her position to influence goverment decisions. Discrete favours made to her family members were revealed. Her involvement in the working of a erratic CoOperative Bank was disclosed. Her family had no answers.

Slowly, it seemed that the decision to nominate Mrs. Patil would blow up in the face of the UPA. However, thanks to the easily delayed judicial system in our country, she contested the elections without any fear of going to jail.

More deserving candidates were left stranded. A mockery of democracy was made. A Governor turned into the President of the largest democracy in this world, …not because of her qualities, but because she’s a woman.
Who says being a woman in this country is a punishment??
After all, the only quality of Mrs. Patil, that made her President of this ancient nation, was her GENDER.

Jai Hind!